Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
