she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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