Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
