giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
