...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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