jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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