yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
