why didn't you poke me back
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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