It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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