Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
