im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
