I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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