All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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