i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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