may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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