I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
