Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Even my vagina gasped.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
