Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize