there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
