I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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