4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
