By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
