Soap is not a condiment
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
