Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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