i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
