He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
