Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
