If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
