C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This is my gift to your gina
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
