Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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