i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am naked and annoyed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
