He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
