i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
