Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
