Even the bartender felt bad for me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
