Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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