dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
