ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
