Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
