That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
