Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
