Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
