I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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