I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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