Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
