very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I am one with the molecules
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
