i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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