Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
