We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
