i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
