I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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