I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
