I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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