The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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