But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
