He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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