i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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