just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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