There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
