I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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