i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
