went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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