we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
