Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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