Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
