I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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