Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
