all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
