Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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