The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
